Slowing down and listening

It's been a whirlwind of a journey for me lately. For a while now I've been starting to wonder if I haven't been taking on too much. I've been travelling all over on business and taking personal development courses but it's been taking it's toll on me. Life has a way of slowing me down and giving me some time for rest, relaxation and quiet introspection. Even if it might not seem like it at the time. Whether you find yourself home alone one night, injured or praying to the porcelain god like I did last night. Whatever it is that brings us to that point, from there we have two choices. Resist it, feeling sorry for ourselves or embrace the time we have alone and look at where our lives have been taking us lately and what we've been missing.

For me today was a humbling journey. A self-realization that I've been thinking more of my life than of others lately. It's been a nagging feeling of not letting others finish their thoughts, of forcing my ideas and travels on them and most of all just not understanding where they are coming from. I was starting to feel like it was me against the world. I'd been unable to relate to the outside world and didn't know what was going on. It all came into stark clarity for me today, as I finally surrendered. I finally put all of my goals, my fears and all thoughts of me aside and asked what is required of me - how can I serve?

It's the humbleness that's been missing lately. I've been trying to convince everyone I meet of how awesome my life is - how great it is to travel around. How amazing all of the things I attracted into my life are. But behind the scenes it's been a battle - a tug of war. Is this what I really want and if it is why do I feel so busy and so turned around lately? I feel the need to just go deep inside and listen. Listen for what it is that is really important. I've got so many ideas, so many ways I can contribute but I don't know what I want, or how I can best serve others. So it's no wonder that I've been brought to this point of literally being unable to move or do anything that will distract me. I wasn't willing to slow down of my own accord, so here is my opportunity to be introspective presented to me.

So I guess after all of this rambling, my point really is this: if you feel your life start to spin faster and faster and it feels like it's getting out of control - not to wait for life to bring you to a screeching halt. To pay attention to the warning signs and slow down. To take care of yourself and be prepared to surrender, to be humble enough to really listen. For what came out of the silence for me was to enjoy every moment and be grateful right now for everything that I already have in my life. I'm truly blessed with a caring and attentive husband, a supportive family, a great place to live and to be working for a company that really cares for my well being. As I listened it occurred to me that I need to lead by example. I don't have to convince anyone of the greatness of what I'm doing and who I am. I need only to enjoy and be present with every moment of my life. From that place of power, that humbleness and joy is where I truly live and experience the fullness of what life has to offer.

I leave you with this quote from Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" as it sums very succinctly all of what I've been trying to say. "The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for. Everybody's life really consists of small things. Greatness is a mental abstraction and a favorite fantasy of the ego. The paradox is that the foundation for greatness is honoring the small things of the present moment instead of pursuing the idea of greatness. The present moment is always small in the sense that it is always simple, but concealed within it lies the greatest power."