Resurfacing

It's been a time of hibernation for me lately, a time to step back and re-evaluate who I am and where I'm going. I can't believe how time has flown since the summer. A big move from Canada to Georgia and leaving my engineering job all helped to speed up time, but that's a story for another time. This post is acknowledging the new 2009 year. I've been so lucky to be able to have the time to turn inwards and explore who I am. A key part of that has been releasing all of the old crap of been hanging onto through awareness, forgiveness and even screaming or crying at times. It sounds extreme I know, but it was (and still is at times) very cathartic.

One of the biggest realizations and processes I'm going through right now is trusting that everything I ever need will be provided for me. It is an age old spiritual principle from many different traditions that I now understand from personal experience. In leaving my job we now live on less than half of the income we did before, but somehow at the end of the month there is still money in the bank and everything is okay. I'm very grateful to have learned how to live simply and step outside of the crazed consumerism that has taken over most of North America.

When I finished my job on Dec. 1st, 2008, I thought a couple of months to create a website and start my own life coaching practice would be plenty. At the time I didn't realize how much personal housekeeping I had to do before starting the next chapter in my life. At last after Christmas I finally surrendered and just went with it, I stopped struggling and started becoming aware of my feelings, beliefs and thought patterns. The more aware I became and the more I released, the more I realized how much more depth there is to me and how much more there was to release.

A couple of weeks ago though I hit a bottom of sorts and started coming up again. I started to notice the sun shining and how warm it is here in Georgia. I also started to want to go out more and got a new haircut. Last weekend I had a yard sale and cleared out the old physical energy in the house. It feels so much clearer and lighter now too. I also I feel lighter now, like I'm carrying around a lot less baggage. Throughout the whole process (which some might call a "dark night of the soul") I've been able to watch what was happening and stay somewhat aware of what was going on. Yet I still felt the more extreme highs and lows. Now that I'm resurfacing the highs and lows are becoming less extreme and my outward appearance is radiating the peace and love I feel on the inside. It feels really good to be alive and I'm awed at how amazing life can be.

One sidenote before I go, I looked back at my first post from over 8 months and liked being able to track where I am and what I'm feeling. At times during the past 8 months I've thought of writing more posts but never got around to it. I can now see the value in it and am going to write when inspired. I really do love to write; it helps me get through the tough times and it helps me to see where I am and where I've been. Over the next few months I'll be attending business school, creating my website and giving the vision I have for "Push Pause" a lot of my attention. I'm really excited to write about my progress as I start out as a self-employed entrepreneur focused on helping people discover who they really are.