Before I left for Wizard camp last July, I had a unique experience right in my own backyard. As I was looking up from my computer out my window I saw not one but two birds walk very deliberately across my back yard. The walked slow and steady, plodding purposefully along step by step until they got to the fence blocking the way to the neighbor’s yard. At this point it looked bleak for the fence was many times taller than the bird. The bird stopped for a second almost pondering the obstacle and then suddenly as if remembering that it was a bird spread its wings gracefully and flew magically to the top of the fence. The second bird then proceeded to follow the same deliberate walk of the first bird and flight up to the top of the fence to ensure that I understood.
I did understand somewhat than and more fully now… in my life I’d been putting my head down and plodding deliberately along creating my own business. At some point along the way the joy seeped out of the whole process and I found myself faced with a wall. For months I had been spinning my wheels trying to do more, to market more, make the website faster, meet more people and all I succeeded in doing was stressing myself out and giving myself more deadlines without any real reason to keep moving other than to not be still.
The birds made me realize that all there was to be done was remember who I am and spread my wings and fly. For the past three months I’ve been embracing the process of remembering. At first I’d been berating myself for not knowing myself deeper and not being able to help others. With sweet, sweet surrender came the clarity that I needed to dive deeper in order to be able to soar higher. What emerged from the stillness surprised me and now that I’m starting to live it out, I’m still surprised at the simplicity of it all. I have to keep reminding myself not to overcomplicate things. My mission right now (should I choose to accept it!) is to fully embody love, vulnerability, openness and intimacy in all that I do. In my relationship with myself, with my dog, with my husband, my neighbors, my co-workers and clients spiraling out to everyone I meet and on and on.
I am being called to truly embody compassion, love, humility and to allow myself to merge with others, connecting deeper and more profoundly than ever before. When I surrendered to this yearning I realized its perfection, its great timing and preparation for me to express more of my authentic self more of the time. With practice have come great fun, joy, success and other times of disappointment, breakdown, correcting and breakthroughs. Amidst it all I keep going, keep trying, improving, opening and surrendering. For love and connection is the basis of everything I am and everything I do whether it be as a writer, healer, teacher, coach, trainer, guide, lover, mother or woman. Underneath it all is love and the practice of love is transforming my life from the inside out – preparing me for flight.
